For a while now I have thought it would be pretty cool to have some minions. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Why minions? Wouldn’t one minion be enough?” The reason I would have more than one is simple; it would be selfish of me to have only one. Imagine if you were some persons only minion, how would you explain that to people? There is no sense of belonging. By me having, let’s say, 11 minions, they aren’t loners. They have a community. They can proudly say, “I am one of jasonwarrenemly’s minions” not sheepishly admit, “yeah I’m his minion.”
Anyway, my minions would be pretty cool. First, they would be my minions. They would have jet packs, and invisibility powers and they would spend much of their time hitting poo-heads, while blowing an air-horn and then yelling “Justice is served, Maggot.” Which brings up another point, they would sound like drill instructors. They would be mostly guys I guess, so they could hit harder, and we could play baseball and soccer. Except for Helga, she would still sound like a drill instructor, but she can do swedish massage.
My (future) children will not be my minions (seriously, do you think I would name one of my kids Helga?). My minions will be allowed to have lives outside of minioning for me; I’m not heartless. So my kids won’t be minions (except when they grow up if that is their dream ‘cause really... jetpacks and invisibility... pretty cool). Anyway, my kids won’t be my minions, but my minions kids can be by kids minions. I think I missed some apostrophes in there somewhere, but you get the idea.
That may seem random, but it isn’t: I witnessed a poo-head the other day and longed for the presence of one of my minions to administer justice. Someday....
Ok, Mr. Gru, I was totally laughing out loud! (Although the laughter may not have made actual sounds... so maybe it was more like laughing out quiet. =)
ReplyDeleteI love that you addressed the fact that your future children will not be your minions since that thought actually did cross my mind right after I read about Helga. (BTW, your future daughter THANKS you for not naming her Helga!)
Ok, since you insist you want to know what we would do with our own minions, I will tell you. At first the idea of minions was not appealing. I would have said, "No minions for me, thanks."
ReplyDeleteThen I was thinking... a car cleaning minion, a house cleaning minion, a bill paying minion, and a grocery shopping minion would all be pretty cool. After getting used to them I am sure that I would find it necessary to obtain a minion dedicated solely to answering the phone at work and another for dealing with cranky customers. Then if I were to get really fancy I could have a NaNoWriMo writing minion too! =P